The Page That Thanks The Lord For The Rotten Pair
Monday April 04 2005
The Grievous Angel
The Sunday Mirror, March 20: 'The fiancee of football bad boy Lee Bowyer last night spoke about the "angel" behind his tarnished public image.
'Kathleen Baker, 22, revealed how the Newcastle United midfielder proposed to her on a private yacht in the South of France.
'"It was so lovely and planned to perfection," she said. "He's really an angel."'
Which is why of course she dumped the rat-faced 'angel' less than two weeks later. You hope for her sake she did it by phone...
Understatement Of The Year?
Graeme Souness in The Independent in March: "My experience of football is that if you've got a group of 22 people you're not all going to love each other..."
Bowyer And Dyer: An Explanation
Looking back at The Times' February 28 report on Newcastle's win over Bolton: 'Lee Bowyer, who is more of a snarling mongrel, had grasped the lead for Newcastle after 33 minutes, surging forward from midfield before spraying the ball to the right. Stephen Carr crossed and Bowyer sensibly knocked Dyer out of the way to shoot.'
Aaaah, so that's what he was trying to do...
Not The Prophet Of Loon
From the Aston Villa official site ahead of Saturday's game: 'David O'Leary believes his former charge Lee Bowyer is now starting to fulfil his promise at Newcastle because he has learned to channel his aggression.'
Obviously the words 'at Kieron Dyer' were missing from the end of that sentence.
Souey: A Man Of His Word
Kieron Dyer's interview in The Times on Saturday on his first meeting with Graeme Souness after he'd been arrested for urinating in public: "We were in the car on the way to the police station. I was in the back seat. He was in the front with the driver. He just suddenly turned round, looked me straight in the eye and said: 'If you ever do anything like this again I will bin you.'
"That's all he said. He drew his line and I knew if I crossed it I'd be out."
Unless of course you're one of his best players and you're about to play an FA Cup semi-final and a UEFA Cup quarter-final, that is...
Spot The Difference
Headline in the Daily Mirror: 'Lee Gets Backing Of Hales'.
Headline in The Sun: 'Pair Of Muppets: Killer Hales Lays Into The Looney Toons'
Jeff Powell: A Resignation?
Mediawatch was cheered up this Monday morning by the Daily Mail headline on Jeff Powell's, erm, column: 'It's Time To Kick Out This Ugly face Of Football'.
Smiles turned to whoops of delight when we read: 'All those campaigning to kick racism out of football ought to give thought as to which prominent backside might be the recipient of the first boot.'
Mediawatch is lacing its boots.
Going Green
Lost amid the aftermath of the loony Toon has been a peculiar row between Birmingham and the BBC after Alan Green claimed on air that midfielder Damien Johnson deliberately got himself booked when playing for Northern Ireland against England so that he would miss the apparently unappealing trip to Poland.
Suffice to say, Brum are denying the charge, and Steve Bruce is on the warpath.
He kicked off his interview on BBC Radio Five Live on Friday with the demand: "I want an apology from you lot on behalf of Alan Green."
And such is his ire that it may well explain why Match of the Day were so hasty to acquiesce to his request that Jermaine Pennant was 'left alone'.
Bruce, who was listening to Greens commentary at the time of his accusation, told reporters on Saturday: "I have written to Alan Green to tell him of my huge disappointment over the comments I heard."
A clue as to the contents of Bruces prose was provided by the Brum manager in his Friday press conference.
"I wouldnt mind seeing Green this week to tell him what I really think about him," he mused.
"Hes a prick."
Headline Of The Day
'Zoltan Of Swing' - The Sun on Zoltan Gera. Genius.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Pompey In Freeful' - The Sun.
Runner-Up
'Weng's Reward For Cole' - The Daily Star. We'll keep nominating them until they stop this ridiculous 'Weng' business.
Quote Of The Day
"Why didn't you pass it to me, you f***ing c**t?" - The 'angel' Bowyer to Kieron Dyer, according to the Daily Mirror.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters: Patrick Murdock, Philip Holland and Kristin Petursson.
Seen or heard anything that belongs on this page? It could be a commentator's gaffe, a terrible headline pun, a brilliant spelling error or just about anything daft that appears in the papers or on TV or radio. Send your submissions to , putting Mediawatch in the subject field