The Page Which Isnt Talking About Corsets. Or Dorset
Wednesday March 23 2005
Thatll teach you for minimising your Football365 browser&
Roons Auld News
Mediawatch will, of course, be probing no such things, but it has spotted one or two disparities in the various accounts of the alleged brawl.
On one hand, we have The Sun claiming that the 'England striker lunged at him after he made a crack about his transfer from Everton to Manchester United.'
That 'crack' manifests itself over on Football365 as 'the student screamed at the player, calling him "treacherous'' and shouted "once a blue, always a blue"'.
Ahh, the famous Scouse sense of humour.
So what happened next? Well, according to the The Sun's account from the alleged victim: '"He went absolutely crazy and swung his arms at me. He landed three punches - two on top of my head and one on the right side of my forehead."'
And according to Rooneys agent: "At no stage did Wayne respond. The man was immediately asked to leave the nightclub in the company of security guards."
But perhaps the least believable claim is to be found in The Daily Mirror, which reports:
'The England star told friends: "This man was insulting me. It was disgusting what he was saying, but I never laid a finger on him."'
If on the other hand, the Mirror had reported: 'The England star told friends: 'The **** dissed me as a ****ing *******. He was ****ing out of control, the ****ing ****, but I swear I didnt nail the ****ing ****"' then Mediawatch would consider it case closed.
Changing Times
Readers of The Times may also be rather confused as to the integrity of the UEFA investigation into Chelski's ongoing shenegains.
There's a whiff of a sordid, self-interested conspiracy on page 76 where columnist Martin Samuel notes that it's:
'A little disconcerting that the head of the Uefa disciplinary committee, Josep Lluís Vilaseca Guasch, is from Barcelona.'
Presumably Senor Samuel wrote his weekly column without first reading the report of Matt Dickinson, the Times' Chief Football Correspondent, which appears on page 77 of Wednesday's Times and asserts disarmingly:
'One man who will not be sitting in judgement is Josep Lluís Vilaseca Guasch, the chairman of Uefa's disciplinary committee, who hails from Barcelona and has stood down.'
Mirror Image
Says Jamie Carragher in The Daily Mirror:
"So England must have a great chance of doing well in the next tournament because you can't see any nation having a stronger set of defenders than we have got. There's Sol at Arsenal, Rio with Man United, John Terry plays for Chelsea and Woodgate at Real Madrid. It's incredible really and you can see why we are confident of doing well in this World Cup.'
Which, in headline-speak, inevitably translates into a backpage lead of:
'ENGLANDS DEFENCE WILL WIN US WORLD CUP'
Off Topic
Selective memory disorder it may be, but for Mediawatch train journeys during school holidays go hand in hand with sitting in the immediate, and very audible, vicinity of screaming, crying, bawling little brats.
So pronounced is Mediawatch's abhorrence for these little horrors by the end of the journey that it often finds itself enjoying a perverse and yes, we admit it's perverse satisfaction every time the next little horror bursts into tears. Having been unbearable twenty minutes previously, our new-found loathing for these little brats transforms these wails of distress into sweet music for our abused ears. You cry, you little git, cry your heart out...
Now Mediawatch finds itself in a similar every time in turns on the television.
For turning on the television is now synonymous with being greeted in an advert along the lines of 'Been in an accident? So too was Whinging Malingers from Compensation City last July...'
And so advanced has become our disgust for these adverts and their portrayed victims that Mediawatch now finds itself relishing every re-run of the compensation vulture suffering his or her accident.
'I was just walking into the kitchen, the floor was wet, and...'
Fall, bitch, fall!
Twist your knee, too, while you're at it. Go on. You deserve it. Hope it hurts.
God, it's a twisted world that Mediawatch resides in...
We're gonna have to sue someone for putting us in this state...
A Full House
Reports The Daily Mirror:
'Blackburn boss Mark Hughes will make a major move to bring Craig Bellamy to Ewood Park for next season.'
Robbie Savage is already at Ewood&now all we need El-Hadji Diouf to move across Lancashire and well have the complete set!
A Tin Cup
The devaluation of the FA Cup is more advanced than previously imagine.
'Like the rest of us, Sir Alex Ferguson found out yesterday, that even he is expendable', reports Sky Sports. 'Two years without silverware, Sir Alex has been warned by Chief Exec David Gill that if a third follows, he will be out on his ear.'
It's somewhat surprising, therefore, that ManYoo are still bothering in their attempt to retain the FA Cup this season...
Sweating Scotsman
Wednesdays sweaty manager Paul Sturrock is at it again!
From the official Sheffield Wednesday site: 'Sturrock sweating on defenders'.
It started with Graeme Lee and now it's spread across the whole back-line. He must use enough deodorant to double the size of the hole in the Ozone.
Headline Of The Day
'O'Neill's Ahead Of The Que'- The Daily Mirror on the fight to be Fergie's successor.
Quote Of The Day
"I heard that Stubbs was looking for me after the game, but I chose to stay in the dressing-room for an extra five minutes" Milan Baros.
Runner-Up
"They should say thank you to me, because before the [World Cup qualifying] fixture list was made, I told David Davies and Tord Grip before they negotiated with other countries that I had only one request - no qualification games in June" Mediawatch suspects that Sven will have a long wait for that thank you.
Rumour Of The Day
'Defiant Jose Mourinho today predicted Chelsea would be cleared of all charges relating to their stormy Champions League tie against Barcelona. He added that he would not change his style of management, claiming that he is victimised' The Evening Standard.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters: Dave Bourke, Stephen Black, Matt, Paul Brandon.
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