Latest News
News On Your Club
Live Matches
Cups
Internationals
Interact
Features
Fun
Sign Up For 365

Newspapers: Do They Reflect Or Do They Inform? Or Do They Just Keep Chips Warm?

Insert Own 'Dumbo' Gag Here...
"Blimey! Will you look at the size of that snout?"

Said the elephant.

(Picture from Match.)


A CD Business
Whatever will they think of next? CD-Roms for famous footballers, that's what.

You can now purchase a CD with player profiles, a photo gallery, footage, stats and a factfile on any one of 24 players, including the likes of Barnet's Ken Charlery, Oxford's Steve Anthrobus and European Cup Final hero David May (actually, it's more your Michael Owen's and David Beckham's, but there you go).

And which well-known football futurist is endorsing this happening new product in Total Football? Why, it's Ron 'Techno' Atkinson.

Check out what Ron reckons to this hip new invention: "Of all the products that have hit the soccer market in recent years, this is the most exciting and the most innovative that I have seen. This is a 21st century collector's dream."

Hands up all those who think Big Ron really said this? Anyone?

Hands up all those who think some ponytailed advertising copywriter dreamed it up? Bong! We have a winner!


Load Of Old Pony
The Daily Mail's Jeff Powell is up to no good again The fluffy haired pest. Here, he's brilliantly comparing Alan Shearer to "a reliable old warhorse scenting battle's end." And it's every bit as painful as it sounds.

"When the time came to take his leave he wore the bridling air of a man on a mission rather than the stoop of a faithful old servant heading for the knacker's yard. As the England captain clip-clopped up the tunnel... he cantered off having led from the front... nostrils flaring like those of a thoroughbred ready for the classic gallops to come."

Horse? Pony, more like.


Marwood's Beyond Saving
There was a most useful insight into the complex world of professional football during Sky Sports' coverage of the England match on Wednesday. Needless to say, it came from Brian Marwood.

The former Arsenal midfielder was on hand with this trenchant observation about Ukraine's debuting goalkeeper Vyacheslav Kernozenko: "It's his first cap, so he's not got a lot of experience at this level."

That's "not a lot" as in 'none.'


U-Turn Of The Day
There's never a dull moment with Barry Fry. According to yesterday's Mirror (headline - 'Fry: I've Been Sacked'), Bazza "launched a bitter attack on Peterborough chairman Peter Boizot." And here's what he said: "I was utterly stunned when the chairman told me I could so-and-so off and that he intended finding a new manager."

You don't get more cut and dried sackage than that, surely? Well, let's examine today's Sun, which reports: "Barry Fry breezed back into Peterborough after 24 hours out of work."

What can it all mean? Just a misunderstanding, apparently: "Myself and assistant Wayne Turner were given the impression we'd been sacked."

Is that the noise of back-pedaling we hear?


IN A NUTSHELL

Best Headline Of The Day
'Cole Fired' - The Mirror doesn't spare the rod for Andy Cole despite Keggy's pleas.

Worst Headline Of The Day
'Cole's Foot Bawl' - a painful effort from The Sun.

Quote Of The Day
"Unconsciously, I fell in love with the small round sphere with its amusing and capricious rebounds which sometimes play with me" - new man United keeper Fabien Barthez, as reported in The Sun. Welcome, Fab.

Rumour Of The Day
"Paris St Germain are believed to be in the hunt for Davor Suker's signature" - according to The Sun.


Seen or heard anything that belongs on this page? It could be a commentator's gaffe, a terrible headline pun, a brilliant spelling error or just about anything daft that appears in the papers or on TV or radio. Send your submissions to

You can read hundreds more Football 365 news stories fans' opinions, gossip and funnies by visiting our website at

News 10
Friday 02 June 2000

The name and overall content are © 1999, 2000 365 Corporation Plc, and all rights are reserved. Some of the news content is © 1999, 2000 Press Association Ltd, and all rights are reserved. Pictures are © 1999, 2000 Allsport Photographic plc, and all rights are reserved. Please see Help page for conditions of use.