The Page That's A Little Frightened By The Storm
Tuesday May 03 2005
Is that what they call a three-horse race? After looking at livescore.com, our money's on PS...
Hurry Up And Slow Down
Fergie is not sending the clearest of signals to Rio in the 'will he, won't he, do we really care?' contract saga.
He says: "If he's not sure then he should take time - but that most important thing is we want him to do it quickly."
So there you have it, Rio. You've got all the time in the world, but it needs to be done yesterday.
Watch This Space...
Rafael Benitez: "I'm sure we will win, and I'd like to say to the fans we will win."
Luis Garcia: "I want to tell the fans I will score against Chelsea."
Xabi Alonso: "I believe I will play in the final. My teammates and Rafael Benitez have said they will win the second leg for me."
Sloppy Defensive Defending
Kevin McCarra's piece in The Guardian about the 'miserly defending' of Chelsea and Liverpool in Europe might have made a little more sense if the Blues had not conceded 11 goals in their five European outings before last week's bore-fest.
Ask The Text-Perts
It's been a while, so we thought it was time to return to the Daily Star and the expert views of the readers on show in 'Text Maniacs'. And no, we're not making them up...
'nister safc if we are so S*** i bet you your e reg metro we take six points of yas ya scruffy macam t***. smoggybobsy.'
'to maz the ram: not bad for a pub side beat you twice this season you sheep s*****r, lcfc wiseman.'
'2 daveitfc: 6 pts last season 6pts next ? we r prem league 4 now ur suffolk**g s***. Norfolk rod.'
'wot gives u pompey lot da rite 2 slag off harry wivout him where would u b now. we would take him back he is just doing a job so shut up. ALAN THE HAMMER.'
'maz the ram u sheepsh****** fan even the cov scum chase u away c u next season little boy. GAZ THE BOLTON FOX.'
'2 julie blade babe: Forest down. pigs stayin down. U come down 2 nottm + we wil paint the town red + white xxx. jaz nottm blade.'
Read the last one again and imagine the answer to the question: 'Mum, dad, where did you two meet again?'
It's All In The Name
From Planetf***ball's story on Man United target Nigel de Jong...
'"We won't let him go," Ajax director Arie van Eijden told Algemeen Dagblad. "Nigel de Jong still has a deal until 2006 and is an important player in the vision of Danny Blind.'
Childish Giggle Of The Day
From the RTE website: 'Irish U-19s Suffer S&M Agony'.
Unfortunately it has something to do with Serbia...
Headline Of The Day
'The Spin Merchants Of Venice' - The Sun are a tad cynical about the Beckhams' romantic trip.
Quote Of The Day
"Van Bommel is a player who would be of interest to any top club. He makes goals, controls the midfield, is dangerous and is a little bit of a nasty player in a positive way, like Roy Keane" - PSV President Rob Westerhof.
Rumour Of The Day
'Disgraced soccer star Lee Hughes has become a Muslim in prison' - The Sun.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters: Darren Lim, Alex Frew McMillan, Cormac MacCormaic, Tony Williams and Zaren Courtenay .
Seen or heard anything that belongs on this page? It could be a commentator's gaffe, a terrible headline pun, a brilliant spelling error or just about anything daft that appears in the papers or on TV or radio. Send your submissions to , putting Mediawatch in the subject field