The Page Which Is A One-Man Show
Monday April 25 2005
Late Mail
Jeff Powell, Daily Mail, P76: 'Whatever domestic problems are besetting the Beckhams&that is their private business in which we can only wish them well...'
Daily Mail, P10-11: 'Once trusted aide dismays the golden couple with claims of infidelity, blazing rows and a relationship in meltdown... The PA... The beautician... The other girls... Victoria's vanity... A pain in Spain.'
'Melanie Phillips, Daily Mail, P12: Fame, self-pity, greed... And why it's right that we should know the truth about the Beckhams' marriage.'
Gary Slowing Down
"A classic Gary Speed goal" was the MotD commentator description of Bolton's equaliser at Villa Park on Saturday, before musing: "How many times have we seen that before?"
Considering that in his next sentence he noted that the goal was Speed's first of the season, the answer would appear to be 'not many.'
Fantastic News
"We came back here in fantastic fashion, a display full of heart and soul, and restricted a fantastic Liverpool side to just a fantastic Steven Gerrard shot" Iain Dowie, Match of the Day.
Swallow Hard, It's The End-Of-Season Cliché...
At the end of the day, sorry, season, there's only one cliché in town.
Following hot on the heels of Graeme Souness declaring he didn't want the season to end when he had such a "bad taste in my mouth", Steve Bruce told Saturday's MOTD, "It feels like a defeat... and leaves a bad taste in your mouth", while Alan Curbishley opined, "This end of season slump leaves a bad taste all the time".
Send any more illustrations to the usual address, if you please...
They Make Em Tough Up North
Fact of the Day: Celtic's Stilian Petrov left the pitch on Sunday to receive treatment after being hit by&a paper cup.
Points Deficit
Declares David ODreary on Match of the Day:
"To finish up, we've taken three points from the last three games and we should have taken nine."
Actually, it's five, David. A win over Southampton is pretty much a given these days, but it still carries the reward of three points.
Fully Focused On The Job In Hand
Even after his third batting failure of the season, Kent and England batsman Robert Key is remaining relaxed about his lack of form. So relaxed, in fact, that within moments of being dismissed on Sunday against Leicestershire our portly hero waddled up into the Sky Sports commentary booth to impart his soothing words and assure both Kent and England followers that his mind was fully focused on the task ahead.
"I'm not worried. Nows just a time to sit back and think about the next game," declared rotund Rob sagely.
"So who are you playing next, then?" enquired Sky frontman Charles Colville.
Cue momentary pause.
"Er, don't know."
Misleading Headline Of The Day
Spot The Difference:
Daily Mirror backpage headline: 'Tonight's The Night!'
Daily Mirror backpage intro: 'Defiant Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger last night told Chelsea to put title celebrations on hold. The Gunners must beat Spurs at Highbury tonight or the Premiership crown will pass to Stamford Bridge.'
In fairness a headline of 'Tonight Might Be The Night But It May Not' isn't exactly catchy, however.
More Exciting Cricket News
Reports the ever-reliable BBC website:
'Prior to Sunday's game, Flintoff's last taste of competitive action was in the fourth Test against South Africa in Johannesburg on 17 January.'
So it must have been another Andrew Flintoff who Mediawatch watched at Centurion in the fifth test secure the draw to wrap up Englands 2-1 series victory over the Boks.
Headline Of The Day
'Call me Harry dead Knapp' The Sun.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Johnson sparks Palace coup' The Times takes the route marked 'tedious'
Runner-Up
It's A Terry Good Night For John The Daily Mirror takes the route marked 'crap'.
Quote Of The Day
"There is no way England can have more than four teams so in the first instance we would refer it to the English FA to make the decision if it arises. But normally I would say that it's more important if you are qualified through your national league position than if you have won the competition" UEFA chief executive Lars-Christer Olsson makes a fool of himself in the Daily Express.
Runner-Up
"We should have had a clear penalty - it seems to me now that we are not going to get penalties no matter what the circumstances. It's getting ridiculous. I'm not sure if they're instructed but it's sinister to me. The same referee gave the most frivolous decision at Portsmouth this season, which was hardly a penalty, and turned down a penalty against Chelsea in the Carling Cup" It's either an indication that Sir Alex has lost the plot or just an example of his cunning mind games, depending on your point of view. As a rough guide, if you believe it's Roy Keane's innate right to rip the head off an opponent without punishment, it's the latter.
Rumour Of The Day
'Malcolm Glazer would consider selling his stake in Manchester United if rumours of a £900m takeover bid prove true, his advisers said yesterday. Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid al Maktoum is said to be preparing to mount the offer, which would put a premium of almost 50p per share on the bid currently on the table from Glazer' The Guardian
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters: Michael Rees.
Seen or heard anything that belongs on this page? It could be a commentator's gaffe, a terrible headline pun, a brilliant spelling error or just about anything daft that appears in the papers or on TV or radio. Send your submissions to , putting Mediawatch in the subject field