The Page Which Wants To Know If Its Really Possible To Be Misquoted On Your Own TV Show
Tuesday April 19 2005
But Butty
Following his latest dismal performance for the Toon on Sunday and his failure to acknowledge the travelling fans before marching straight down the tunnel at the end of the semi-final, Nicky Butt is receiving a veritable kicking.
And leading the way is The Sun with one of their trademark hatchet jobs.
The only problem is that once youve stated Butt 'has not been playing very well' and 'Butt stalked off down the tunnel without thanking the fans for their support', fleshing out the tale of woe any further is a tricky proposition.
The Sun, though, haven given it a go.
'When Butt was asked if he had "a couple of minutes" to talk to the fans through the media,' the paper reports breathlessly, 'he looked as if to say 'How dare you speak to me?'
If you believe that Butt was asked 'have you a couple of minutes to talk to the fans through the media' then you probably also believe that Rio happened to bump into the lovely Peter Kenyon by 'chance'.
'Butt then headed straight back to Manchester,' continues the report, 'while many thousands of Newcastle fans took FOUR hours to drive 20 miles as they began their long journey home!'
Nicky Butt is many things: an over-rated footballer, a waste of money at the Toon, and very possibly an ungrateful and not particularly nice chap. However, in all fairness, one thing he is not is the controller of the traffic flow on the M4.
Romance Is Definitely Dead After All
Some of you might already know this, but Mediawatch learnt at the weekend that Wayne Rooney proposed to Coleen in a BP garage forecourt. They were heading off for a Chinese (that's the food, not a Far East version of Auld Slapper) and had stopped off at the garage to use the cash dispenser when Wayne concluded that this was the perfect time to pop the question...
Boom, Boom
If Middlesbrough's pursuit of Igor Tudor comes unstuck over wage demands, will there be headlines of 'Boro Mock Tudor'?
Setting The Standard
If Madam Radcliffe can relieve herself and then be on her way within a matter of seconds, how come there are always such long queues for the ladies?
Meanwhile, now that the bar has been lowered (as it were) so dramatically, how will El-Hadji Diouf respond?
Rewriting History
According to The Guardian's match report of Brum v Pompey:
'Portsmouth had marked Perrin's first match in charge by coming from behind to beat Charlton Athletic and clinch their first win in seven games; they followed up at St Andrew's by claiming their first away point since drawing at Crystal Palace on Boxing Day.'
Point one: Pompey went 2-0 up against Charlton, eventually winning 4-2, and so didn't, to employ that rather unfortunate phrase, come from behind; Point two: Portsmouth won 1-0 at Palace on Boxing Day.
In the circumstances, then, credit to the hapless Guardian hack for correctly identifying the home of Birmingham City
The Worlds Most Scouse Scouser
"People call me a 'classic scally', and I take that as a compliment. I mean, that's what I am. I am a bit of a scally, like" Jamie Carragher, The Times.
Exaggeration Of The Day
"The defender elbowed Van Persie a full 20 seconds after the ball had struck the back of the net" Alan Hansen, The Daily Telegraph.
Er, or even two.
Putting The BBC In The Dock
While we're on the subject of the FA Cup semi-finals, with both BBC One and BBC Radio Five Live covering ManYoo-Toon it was, for media bods such as a pedantic Mediawatch, interesting to note the lack of harmony in the coverage.
For instance, while Five Live's Alan Green noted that Rio Ferdinand's kung-fu kick on Alan Shearer, which hit its target a trifling six foot above sea level, was, by any definition, 'foot up' and thus a penalty, BBC1 ignored the offence. Instead, John Motson happily reminded viewers of what a distinguished campaigner the bloodied Shearer was.
Of more interest, though, was Green's insistence that Shola Ameobi had earned a penalty after a clear foul by Rio Ferdinand.
Unfortunately that sentence will make absolutely no sentence to those of you who watched the match on the tele.
For while Green was sure that Ameobi had earned a pen rather than a corner immediately after ManYoo's opener, Motty was still twittering on about Ruud's goalscoring stats. The alleged infringement wasn't even mentioned, let alone analysed.
"It would be nice to see a replay," declared an exasperated Green on more than occasion, "but it just hasn't been shown."
And which broadcasting company had neglected to show the replay of the incident?
Oh.
Spot The Difference
The Daily Mirror says: 'Tiger Makes Me Nervous David Howell has admitted a bad attack of nerves brought on by playing alongside Tiger Woods wrecked his chance of winning the US Masters.'
David Howell says: "Even though it was my first time at the Masters I had been as cool as anything for the first two days, no nerves at all. But when I went out with Tiger after the rain delays on Saturday evening I made a really nervous start. How much of it was playing with Tiger and how much being in contention for a Major I don't know."
Headline Of The Day
'Toon say kick his Butt out' The Sun.
'Just Typical' Headline Of The Day
'Bowyer holds hands up' The Sun.
'Too Much Detail' Headline Of The Day
'Radcliffe blames emergency pit-stop on pre-race pasta and grilled salmon' The Independent.
Quote Of The Day
"When you reach my age, it is perhaps advisable to steer clear of newfangled devices like mobile phones!" - Celtic chairman Brian Quinn after mistakenly leaving a message criticising Marin ONeill on the mobile phone answerphone of an 18-year-old teenage girl in Walsall rather than that of the clubs PR officer.
Runner-Up
"It's going to be a great final, the one that everybody wants. There is a history between the two clubs and there have been problems between us. But the whole world will be watching the final and let's hope it is a great football spectacle, a great occasion for the game" Ruud van Nistelrooy. Perhaps a promise not to attempt to kneecap the Arsenal left-back would be a good place to start?
Rumour Of The Day
'Probably super-corn, but anyway.... a friend interviewed Alan Shearer, who recounted a story about 'Serial Roaster' Kieron Dyer. At the start of this season, while uncle Bobby was still in charge at Newcastle, Dyer turned up for a Saturday home game with 'groin strain', a kit bag covering his nether-regions. After some questioning in the dressing room, Keiron moved the bag to reveal a hard-on - turns out the silly c*nt had double-dosed on Viagra the night before, courtesy of a Craig Bellamy wind-up. Kieron sat the game out on the bench, trying to hide his pride from the SkyTV cameras' - All Popbitch nonsense of course...
Runner-Up
'Rio Ferdinand stands to become the best-paid player in English football history, earning over £110,000 a week' The Times.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters: Trevor Ridgewell.
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