The Page Which Has Worked Out There Will Be A Premiership Club In The Champs League Final
Thursday April 14 2005
A stunning example of Doug's business acumen: advertising 50% off shirt printing for a player with 100% more name...
Back To Basics
"Carragher should have humped that. He's humped everything else from behind all night." - Jim Beglin
Read My Lips
"I went to meet my agent at Carpaccio in Chelsea and Mr Kenyon was there. I had no idea he'd be there. Rio Ferdinand in The Sun.
"Rio called me when I was on my way (to the restaurant). I said: 'Peter is there'. He said: 'okay, so what?'" Pini Zahavi in The Evening Standard.
All together now: Hmmmmmm
A Trenchant Riposte To Those Cynical Customers
It is a sad reflection on modern times that there are those who regard the actions of football clubs with cynicism and suspicion.
Fortunately, every now and again a story appears so heavily laden with generosity and altruistic concern towards football customers, sorry, supporters, that it deserves to be reprinted at length as a stinging rebuke to all those who sneer that the priority of football clubs is to take every buck going from gullible mugs.
A shining example is the story which appeared on the Tottenham official website last week. Whilst revealing the details of the club's new kit, the articles also adds:
'Our aim going forward is to continue to meet demand for greater variety and choice in all of the merchandise ranges that we offer, including our replica kit. As a result, the Club has taken the decision that from next season, in line with some other Premier League Clubs, all our replica kits will have a one-year lifespan.'
Yes, that's right folks. Out of the kindness of their bottomless hearts, the ever-considerate Spurs will be making available a new kit every season for all those supporters who just can't get enough, ahem, 'variety and choice'.
Brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it?
You Tee Them Up...
"How many chances should a player get? You can bring a horse to water but you cannot make it drink." - Roy Keane.
It's a tad harsh on poor Ruud considering his lame leg has only just recovered...
Identifying Blairs Successor
'Bullying and animal cruelty top the list of issues children would like to see on the election agenda - and Wayne Rooney is the man they'd like to see in Number 10, reports Sky News.
'The youngsters put footballer Wayne Rooney as their first choice for Prime Minister, followed by fictional JK Rowling creation Harry Potter and former Busted singer Charlie Simpson.
'Richard Kilgarriff, head of the Cartoon Network, said: "Our poll shows that children as young as nine years old are politically aware and care about issues which will affect their futures. The question we need to ask is whether anyone is listening."'
Let's bloody well hope not.
Still, as he's such a role model when it comes to respecting those in authority, not to mention a recently-revealed crusader in the fight against domestic abuse, it would be interesting to learn how Wayne plans to combat the growing menace of bullying.
There Goes A Million Votes
"Liverpool United are a good team" Shirley Hughes, Liberal Democrat Baroness, BBC Radio Five Live.
Spot The Difference
The Daily Mirror: 'Robbie Savage has begged boss Mark Hughes to include him in Blackburn's FA Cup semi-final showdown with Arsenal.'
Actual quotes: "The next 48 hours is a big thing for me. The game went fine and it was the best I have felt since the injury. The lads have done fantastic in the last five games but I should be fit for the semi-final."
The poor man is on his knees.
Headline Of The Day
'Doom Army' The Daily Mirror on Laurent Robert's whinge.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'Premi Final' News Corporation-owned Sun do News Corporation-owned Sky Sports' job for them.
Quote Of The Day
"The manager does not speak to me face to face to tell me why he keeps taking me off. He does not tell me when I am playing well and he does not tell me when I am playing badly and neither does his staff. I have read that he does not feel that I do enough but I feel like I proved myself to him last month. The team has not been playing well and I have not been playing well but it is not just down to me. It is about the team playing badly. It is not just about Laurent Robert" A chap named Laurent Robert signs his Newcastle death warrant.
Thanks to today's Mediawatch spotters: Matthew Sweet, Matthew Harris, Robert Howard and Clyde Harris, a great fella once of this part-time parish..
Seen or heard anything that belongs on this page? It could be a commentator's gaffe, a terrible headline pun, a brilliant spelling error or just about anything daft that appears in the papers or on TV or radio. Send your submissions to , putting Mediawatch in the subject field