The Page Which Is In A Better Mood Today
Tuesday April 12 2005
The Perfect Partnership
He's the boss of an institution which is in danger of losing their accustomed number one status to a sinister rival, his popularity is flagging, his intelligence has been questioned, his foreign policy is reckoned to be fundamentally flawed, he stands accused of bringing in too many foreigners, his relationship with the media is at breaking point and, with the faithful turning against him, there are rumours that his position, once considered sacrosanct, is under threat due to an internal revolt.
Yup, it's easy to see why Tony Blair has joined forces with Sir Alex Ferguson.
Life And Death
Football is oft accused of possessing warped priorities. Bill Shankly's declaration that football is more important than life and death may be the most sensible thing ever uttered according to some, but for non-believers it is evidence that football is nothing more than a convenient meeting point for those who have lost all sense of reality.
What, then, would those dissenters make of recent events concerning Jose Mourinho, a bench and a bobble hat?
On the eve of the Chelski-Bayern clash - that's a Champions League quarter-final clash, lest we forget - the talk was not of the match but Jose's seating arrangements. The post-match focus and the back-page headlines were not of a six-goal thriller but plasma screens and scraps of paper.
Perhaps it is merely symptomatic of the modern-day obsession with the cult of personality.
But perhaps it is also evidence of a sport and a press which has lost all sense of perspective.
As Liverpool travel to Juventus, reawakening the nightmare of Heysel, Tuesdays newspapers prefer to focus on the Chelski fitness coach and his attire. And it's not just the newspapers, either - the top story throughout Monday night on Ceefax was:
'Chelsea Coach To Wear Hat On Bench'
Life and 39 deaths cease to matter when such remarkable news is available.
Lesson Of The Day
From Sir Alex Fergusons Why It Must Be Labour' article in The Daily Mirror:
'I have been involved in too many upsets as a player and a manager ever to think a game is easy...You don't win matches or trophies if you underestimate your opponents or fail to give everything in every game'.
Not that Fergie could ever be accused of making such an amateur mistake, of course...
On The Mark
Saturday April 9. The Daily Mail announces in a banner exclusive: 'England scrum half Matt Dawson will be a shock omission from the Lions tour of New Zealand when Sir Clive Woodward names his 44-man squad on Monday. A record four scrum halves will be going on the tour, but the decision to leave 32-year-old Dawson has already been made. His failure to make the tour will almost certainly end his 10-year international career.'
Monday April 11. Sir Clive Woodward names Matt Dawson in his Lions squad.
When Does 'A Rout' Equate To 'Honours Were More Or Less Shared'?
When it suits your prejudices, of course...
With his future at Sauber in doubt, former F1 World Champion Jacques Villeneuve is coming under intense media scrutiny. Leading the way is F1-Racing magazine, an English-based publication which, funnily enough, is banging the drum for Englishman Anthony Davidson to replace the French/Canadian.
The magazine's critique of Villeneuve's record in F1, carried April's edition, certainly contains one or two oddities.
Their dismissal of Olivier Panis as being 'perhaps a little past his best-before date' when he joined BAR in 2001 to partner Villeneuve will come as a surprise to readers who may recall the magazine arguing some three years later in June 2004 that Panis was 'technically expert and still very quick', and that his likely demotion by Toyota was considered to be a 'bizarre error'.
Equally inconsistent is their review of Jacques' career at BAR vis-à-vis his erstwhile team-mates.
On the one hand, the magazine stats that 'statistically, honours were more or less shared' between Panis and Villeneuve. On the other, against Jenson 'the result was a rout in Button's favour.'
While it's true that JB outpointed JV in 2003 by a score of 17 to six, that stat ignores the fact that Villeneuve suffered the vast majority of BAR's technical gremlins that season. Moreover, a qualifying advantage of 8-6 is, by the standard definition, someway short of 'a rout'.
But then again, if we are to use F1 Racing Magazine's definition, Villeneuve's 12-5 points advantage in 2001 against Panis smacks of being a 'rout'. In terms of percentages, it certainly shares an uncanny resemblance to that of JB's superiority in 2003.
Meanwhile, over the two years that Villeneuve and Panis went head-to-head in qualifying, JV prevailed by an advantage of 21 to 13.
Which in normal circumstances doesn't exactly equate to a conclusion of 'honours were more or less shared.'
Still, there is hope for Jacques if Sauber can improve their performance.
Just a month ago, March's edition of F1 Racing magazine found Ralf Schumacher being dismissed by the mags editor-in-chief as a "waste of money" and a "no-mark prat."
Roll on one month and two Toyota podiums and theres been a subtle change in tune.
Far from being a 'waste of money' and a 'no-mark prat', readers are sagely informed that much of Toyota's improved performance is due "to Ralf Schumacher, whose organised, astute brain adds greatly to the package"...
Headline Of The Day
'Mini-Mo Show sees Chelsea suffer attack of the clones' The Times.
'Fortune favours Woods when chips are down' - The Times.
Worst Headline Of The Day
'We're Throo!' The Daily Mirror on Wayne and Coolen's latest contretemps.
Quote Of The Day
"They were handing notes around like naughty schoolchildren in a class. We saw the TV clips. If they're going to do that, with all the resources they've got, you would've thought they'd pull it off better than that" Owen Hargreaves on the shenanigans on the Chelski bench.
Rumour Of The Day
'UEFA representative Wolfgang Eichler was close to tears when he realised what Chelsea were doing' The Daily Mirror reports on Chelski's press conference fiasco.